tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2108221103188891546.post1712658000997599195..comments2023-10-18T09:59:29.185-06:00Comments on still walking and waking: playful parenting, shoot-em-up games, & blonde hair envylorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09842669291410075411noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2108221103188891546.post-866990087471760562010-09-20T14:28:38.052-06:002010-09-20T14:28:38.052-06:00Love this! I know that Riley is still a wee lad a...Love this! I know that Riley is still a wee lad at only a month old, but I sing everything to him in a playful way! Mark gives me a hard time about how our life has become a musical because I can turn any sitaution into a song. I'm running out and buying that book this week! Love to hear that these tactics have been really working for Zoralee. (BTW she is getting soo big!)The Caldwell'shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13666963736398746940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2108221103188891546.post-43740252961111331972010-09-12T18:29:12.849-06:002010-09-12T18:29:12.849-06:00I think this makes soo much sense. And just as any...I think this makes soo much sense. And just as anything else it allows you to adjust your parenting to your child's personality...man, what great ideas!Shanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07650436474376248598noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2108221103188891546.post-25599325681914365152010-09-07T21:34:37.057-06:002010-09-07T21:34:37.057-06:00oh, i wanted to check the "email follow up co...oh, i wanted to check the "email follow up comments..."Tamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07874014614369629953noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2108221103188891546.post-29601043983039546852010-09-07T21:34:05.597-06:002010-09-07T21:34:05.597-06:00Lori! I love this post! So much good stuff, and ...Lori! I love this post! So much good stuff, and I may have to think about it and come back later and say more.<br /><br />I wanted to suggest a couple books, to put on the ol' reading list--both for you, Lori, and also for Emili and others on here. I'm not a parent, but I hear from some of the parents I most respect that these books have been profoundly helpful:<br /><br />Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn<br /><br />Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline, by Rebecca Anne Bailey<br /><br />And I'll be back to say more later, but Lori, I'm so glad you took the time to write this great post.<br /><br />-TamieTamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07874014614369629953noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2108221103188891546.post-49792823210910230742010-09-07T18:22:17.516-06:002010-09-07T18:22:17.516-06:00Karissa - Hodge podge, indeed. I love picking up b...Karissa - Hodge podge, indeed. I love picking up bits and pieces from here and there, including most obviously, the great parents I know!<br /><br />Jannell - thanks for your wrestling memories. Your family in general seems to have promoted playfulness / humor as a major family value. Playing Alligator and Bucking Bronco with my dad and siblings are among my fondest childhood memories. About wrestling, I think it's practically, as Christi said, a NEED for kids. It makes me so sad about some of the kids you work with not having that interaction. I suppose it would be weird to send home a flyer asking parents to pleeease wrestle their children, wouldn't it?<br /><br />Rachel S. - balancing everything is hard work, yep! Ooofda. I had major reminders of that today. I thought I might throw playful parenting out the window, along with Zoralee herself. :)<br /><br />Sarah - Thanks for chiming in! I love "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen..." What a great resource for good communication in general. Incidentally, I'm currently skimming parts of "Happiest Toddler On the Block," and the style of his cartoon illustrations reminds me a lot of "How to Talk..." Thanks for the other book suggestions too. Happy mothering! <br /><br />Now then, anybody out there beg to differ on this topic? Bring it!lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09842669291410075411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2108221103188891546.post-57270135881792858752010-09-07T15:49:53.230-06:002010-09-07T15:49:53.230-06:00Hi there...I was blog hopping and saw this post on...Hi there...I was blog hopping and saw this post on my most favorite parenting book. I have two boys whom are very active and that book has been the best gift to my family in terms of allowing us to see that playful parenting is really great. So often I think people want to see parents using stern voices and making their children "learn their place", but really it's about connecting and helping them to not feel alone or unable to work through their problems/frustrations.<br />Other books you may like:<br />How to talk so kids listen and listen so kids talk<br />Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids<br />Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves<br />Between Parent and Child (Haim Ginott an amazing author on children...really amazing!)<br />And another personal fave<br />Unconditional ParentingSarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03210820513382353417noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2108221103188891546.post-82206008355400952072010-09-07T07:52:24.273-06:002010-09-07T07:52:24.273-06:00I love this...I mean what's better than connec...I love this...I mean what's better than connecting with each one of your children?! Thank you for the insight, it makes so much sense to pretend with them, let the aggression out, and just play! I do this at times, but I guess for the most part I default to the "spanking parent" as my form of discipline. I want to discipline and connect...that balance I believe can be achieved with lots of hard work! <br />Rachel (Knoll) ScribbenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2108221103188891546.post-6762846311142811502010-09-06T11:08:26.891-06:002010-09-06T11:08:26.891-06:00I don't have kids, but I have nieces and nephe...I don't have kids, but I have nieces and nephews, work with kids, and was once one myself. Everyday when my dad got home, all four of us kids would wrestle him from the door. It gave my mom a break, and we got out all our energy before dinner. We would also have full on, full family, pillow fights. I'm talking tip the couches over, break a lamp kind of pillow fights. We never tried to fix our aggression or problems with roughness, and if we did their were consequences. I know that kids now still need heavy doses of affection and rough play. I see the need everyday at school. <br /><br />I know also with my nieces and nephews, they are the most happiest when we are playing together. It's also great to see how creative they are. <br /><br />I think in parenting it's hard to see the full picture. Sometimes parents want to discipline their kids because they are embarrassed or offended or alarmed at what their kids have come up with. Kids are born witha limited range of emotions, needs they don't know what to do with and the primary way of learning is error. Thats kinda rough. Its pretty important to make sure your kids have all sorts of tools in their tool belt to navigate life as they get older. If a sense of humor and playing and taking things lightly are part of that belt, it's hard not to imagine them growing up with a lot less stress and a solid understanding of who you think they are.jannellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11220657759086962916noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2108221103188891546.post-4491023415351222232010-09-05T21:54:15.803-06:002010-09-05T21:54:15.803-06:00Funny how my husband has been telling me about thi...Funny how my husband has been telling me about this FOREVER and he has never even heard of this book... He's so stinkin' smart... BUT of course now it CLICKS that I hear it from another point of view...I'm gonna check that book out...<br /><br />I really like to think that parenting is like a pot-luck...we take a little of this and a little of that to make of the plate of parenting...and nobody's plate is the same because everyone's kids are different...family lifestyle's ...schedules are different...<br /><br />And as far as spanking...although we do spank...we don't spank for everything...it doesn't work and the kid "gets used to it" when here comes another swat... communicating with them on whatever level and way they need is what works... <br /><br />I am going to try the thing with nap time because I have one little boy who is VERY grouchy no matter what he wakes up from and the other little guy is HAPPY every time he wakes up...it's a personality thing for sure =)<br /><br />Great discussion!Karissa Pattersonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13105835949698519872noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2108221103188891546.post-59552764550657300042010-09-05T10:31:11.433-06:002010-09-05T10:31:11.433-06:00Thanks for reading, and for your comments, Rachel,...Thanks for reading, and for your comments, Rachel, Emili, and Christi! I've been mulling them over in light of what I've read of this book so far. <br /><br />The playful approach makes sense with Z for general neediness / whininess / hyperactive transitions to bed or other activities (the merely irritating behaviors). But what about out-and-out defiance, like Emili mentioned? The one thing that comes to mind is that Cowen asserts that time spent in playful connection (including board games, pretending, role swaps, wrestling, etc.) will alleviate some of the defiance. I don't know what else to say. Maybe other people can chime in with help on this?<br /><br />One note: he says it happens that kids have these out-of-the-blue emotional breakdowns during play with their parents, because they're suddenly free to express buried emotions. Don't panic! Accept it as an honor that they're open, and, uhh.....do whatever the author suggests for helping them through it. Ha ha. Again, I'm reading with toddler-tinted glasses and haven't yet arrived at some of the dilemmas y'all are facing. <br /><br />Christi - Yes, I imagine you and Jeff could've written some of the chapters in this book. You guys are definitely playful parents! This guy is huge on wrestling, for building confidence in both boys and girls, and letting kids experiment with their own strength against someone stronger and thoughtful enough to let them win some, be overpowered some, etc. based on apparent need.<br /><br />I wonder if there's a way to get the boys and your company to somehow connect through play, even briefly, so that everybody is more at ease.lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09842669291410075411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2108221103188891546.post-4963427262179554592010-09-04T09:37:26.874-06:002010-09-04T09:37:26.874-06:00I had a realization overnight...
I have been str...I had a realization overnight...<br /><br />I have been struggling with the way my kids behave when we have people over to our house. They gravitate toward this rude/awkward silliness and it always upsets me because I feel like the people we are with don't get to see those three amazing personalities that I love so much. Lately I have been wondering how I might be contributing to this or just not encouraging the right way. What I notice now in light of this book is that when people are over I am treating our kids a little differently. I am not really playing with them. My main concerns are that they are talking nice and entertaining themselves. Seeing it from their perspective, that would be kinda weird to have a mom who is constantly wrestling you to the ground, but when company is around sits on the couch and just doesn't interact the same way. I can see how it would make them even resent the guests a little.<br /><br />I think just being aware of this will help the entire situation for us. The hard part will be balancing my attention between the two parties.<br /><br />Thoughts on this?Christihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09498915548747833889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2108221103188891546.post-68690972736962764742010-09-03T23:35:08.075-06:002010-09-03T23:35:08.075-06:00I love how you connect the dots...I want to do tha...I love how you connect the dots...I want to do that more often.<br /><br />I think playing around is the natural first approach for Jeff and I. It is really interesting to hear the whys behind this angle. But I feel like we almost lean too far that way. Mostly, when siblings come into the picture. I am interested to see what he would say about siblings. The way we want them to treat each other has to be modeled by us, but yet they aren't sophisticated enough to see the root of each other's tantrums/whining/aggressions. I guess when I think about it they have been taught to just laugh when something goes on this side of ridiculous or when somebody is acting irrational to wrestle it out and then stand up laughing.<br /><br />This is kinda hard to discuss in a comment, but just know you got me thinking and I did try to reserve the book at the library :)<br /><br />Oh, you know what is the best thing ever EVER...I am at the point with Max where we have real, true nose-flaring uncontrollable laughter together. <br /><br />Also, I probably full-on wrestle my boys for a full hour each day. It's just funny to think about in those terms...it is seriously one of their basic needs. I feel like it is aging me but keeping me young at the same time.<br /><br />Oh, one more thing...this post makes me grateful that my boys got to spend a year at home with Jeff. Man, dad are just so good at playing.Christihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09498915548747833889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2108221103188891546.post-28053538299195742992010-09-03T13:31:24.902-06:002010-09-03T13:31:24.902-06:00Thank you for this post!
I have been bashing my h...Thank you for this post!<br /><br />I have been bashing my head, trying to figure out the most effective ways to deal with a crabby Elijah (or a sassy Elijah, at that) and you know - everyone offers their advice (spank him, give him timeouts, etc.) <br /><br />Do you mind if I ask, what do you do when Z has deliberately disobeyed you, or been outright naughty to another person? I know it's kind of a complex question, as there are many different answers per situation, but I was curious. So many people (in our church, go figure) offer spanking as THE ONLY remedy for a naughty child. I have *never* felt comfortable or compelled to spank, though I was spanked and don't feel as though it "scared" me. But I just can't/ don't wish to with my own children.<br /><br />Anyway, thank you for this post - definitely something I am going to look into more. And absolutely checking out this book from the library :)emilihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06091139310164383289noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2108221103188891546.post-81763520412643596532010-09-03T13:10:00.098-06:002010-09-03T13:10:00.098-06:00Just a side thought. Although it might seem like s...Just a side thought. Although it might seem like stern discipline is the best answer at certain points (like hitting) doesn't it also seem like the kids that have the strictest discipline are usually the naughtiest? Those and the kids with NO discipline... I guess finding the balance is key when it comes to discipline. What I love about this playful parenting thing is that it's not about discipline at all... it's about connecting and understanding what caused the act that even required discipline in the first place.<br /><br />I can't wait til Bennett is old enough for me to REALLY play with him. I mean, I play with him now, but he has no clue.Rachel @ Lautaret Bohemiethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00386970771824268791noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2108221103188891546.post-50018416593262589422010-09-03T12:59:48.726-06:002010-09-03T12:59:48.726-06:00Damn, this was good, sis. I mean, really really go...Damn, this was good, sis. I mean, really really good. You are (I have seen first hand) an incredible parent, which is only highlighted by the fact that you read things to make you an even MORE incredible parent.<br /><br />I admit that my "stern" side I didn't even know I had does bristle a little at the idea of a kid hitting, but then again, I'm coming from a line of reasoning that a tiny little kid just IS NOT coming from. They dont know all the things we know. What a unique approach to parenting and to connecting.<br /><br />See, when little B punches us in the face, as he always does, we just would typically punch him back - hard. But now we'll try a new approach. (Hahaha! Clearly, I'm kidding about punching B.)Rachel @ Lautaret Bohemiethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00386970771824268791noreply@blogger.com