hm....okay, mono-winning

On the house for purchase, they counter-offered our offer this morning, and we decided to decline. That means we'll be in the rental indefinitely. We were at first disappointed, but since we're not in a desperate situation any more, we've thought of all kinds of reasons to be very happy about the rental. Staying mobile and flexible right now is a good idea, and we'll be getting essentially the same life style we would've in the other house but without the commitment. It's much better financially, at least in the short run, and we'll be able to use our money on other priorities - like traveling away on vacation. And, we'll only have one move with a new baby; that's worth something! There's less indoor space, it's lacking the sweet out buildings that are set up and ready for chickens, horses, and goats, and we won't have the freedom we would've with home ownership, as far as remodeling or home improvements. But, those things will probably come by and by.

(My) first priority for Jason, after he finishes the projects to pay for rent, is to build us a portable outdoor wood-fired sauna! Woooooo-hoooooo! I don't know what free time I'm expecting him to use for all of this, with a toddler and a new baby I'll surely need to hand off sometimes, but practical concerns needn't get in the way of good old dreaming. Right now all I'm seeing is a naked little family sweating out their toxins and stress in a hot sauna while the cold north winds blow outside.

Anyway, this farm house is a dandy little place. Why, here's a picture of the brook running by.

bi-winning

Quick little update on our housing situation, which seems to have taken a sudden turn for the yippee-ai-oh! I mentioned last week a place we were second in line for. Long story short, we've put in an offer and should know by tomorrow evening whether it's a go. Meanwhile, because we wouldn't be able to move in until August, Jason also happened across a sweet rental that he was able to start moving in to the next day after finding it, with no lease. It's a real laid back situation, just the kind we like, and the owners are excited about Jason doing some remodeling and property projects in lieu of rent. Hello! If the purchase of Place #1 doesn't go through, we can rent Place # 2 indefinitely.

Both are farm houses in or near the hill country, with open acreage all around, which is what we've been looking and hoping for. By "hill country," if you are from the northwest, you'd do best to imagine "slight alterations in the flat terrain." ha ha. No, they are actual hills that would leave you out of breath if you walked up them quickly. They have trees and a jillion little lakes and bird varieties, plus plentiful deer, moose, and elk, hard as that is to believe about North Dakota!

We will be happy with either option and are really grateful things are panning out. I think of the old saying, "Families that live in houses together stay together!" or something like that. I hadn't realized how much the lack of a house to go to was weighing on me, but when these options opened up within a day or two of each other, I was surprised by my relief. When I think of standing at a sink doing dishes or of lying outside on the grass with the baby or of making a little quiet place for Zoralee to read her books, it just helps to have actual mental footage, you know? My friend Elisha had a good point: my body is in prime nesting mode, so it was a particularly awkward time to not be able to envision our future environment.

Pics will be posted when we know for sure whassup, oh yes they will!

a leetle song from my love

Jason made a song. How can I not tell you people about it? It centers around an idea we speak of frequently - being each other's home. He is a good man, my husband, and I miss him so much. Thank you, J, for this gift.

most interesting quote of my day

"My husband and I wanted our daughter to have a name that people can spell and that she could find on a key chain or a mug. My nieces can't get the LeapFrog Violet dog to say their names. Sad."
- commenter on this article about 2010's top baby names 

Shoot! Jason and I haven't even considered the key chain issue while we've been nailing down baby names! Why didn't somebody point this out sooner? We better adjust our priorities, because if there's one thing that's important in life, it's being sure that at every filthy gas station across the country, you can find a piece of leather or plastic onto which a machine has clearly articulated your name.

To be clear: I totally get choosing a common name! I just don't get doing it on the basis of the LeapFrog being able to pronounce it.

easter 2011

point-blank ring tossing Saturday at the mall's kiddie carnival 

orange on orange

-  the egg hunt  -
Being the only kid present has its perks, including
all the attention and zero competition.

Some observers get tricky.



Scrabble after the big meal

Hand and Foot

individual sport lounging



group sport lounging

Auntie Heather's chocolate covered strawberries




reflections on the second trimester (way back when)

I am 35.5 weeks along now, which could be the home stretch if I birth soon, or it could just be third base if I go to 43 weeks. I am clearly so over the second trimester (roughly 13 - 26 weeks). That was so nine weeks ago. But I haven't blogged as much about this pregnancy, and darnit, I have things to say. So, according to my journal and memory, here are some thoughts about that long ago second trimester.

• More energy! Hello, second trimester! Hello, happy world, where good things happen occasionally. Hello, art and music and beauty and peace. Hello, baby! I am so excited about you growing inside! I am so excited about our family getting bigger.  
• What's this I'm reading - it's not until 30 weeks that a pregnant woman is supposed to avoid lying on her back?! I've been doing this from the start of the second trimester, arranging my pillows to make side-lying as comfortable as possible. DOH! That's what I get for going by memory.
• I get surprise abdominal muscle and ligament aches at random times. They are a surprise in two ways (thus, a double surprise!!): first, the usual rules of pulling muscles don't apply, because, dude, all I did was roll over in bed, and second, I didn't even know I had that muscle.
• I have so many pillows in the bed these days. Having a husband in there too is a nice bonus but definitely an afterthought. Poor guy. He does manage to find a spot where he can.
• Insomnia, peeing on the 1/2 hour mark, and heartburn are my personal pregnancy tri-crosses to bear. All in all, I feel pretty fortunate.
• I bought several packages of large underwears at the store but upon getting them home realized some were two or three sizes up from my usual, a bigger jump than I'd intended. I returned one package and kept one "just in case." Boy am I glad I kept that other package of big ones, because Mama got back.
• The baby moves so much! I love when Jason feels and talks to it. Today we were all playing and reading on Zoralee's bed, and we put a little stuffed monkey on my belly to watch it wiggle when the baby did. Such a neat sensation, almost like being in an earthquake. It's unpredictable and disconnected from everything else, yet big and important. I was awed - like, hold on and hope all the glassware stays on the shelves.
• As the second trimester draws to a close, I am suddenly back to fatigue as the daily rule of thumb. Could this be mental? Part of it is J's work schedule. If he's on swing shift, I'm not as apt to jump into bed when Zoralee goes to sleep, because there's so much to get ready for the move, and when she's asleep I'm free! Free as a bird!.....until I finally go to bed at midnight, sleep wretchedly, get up to pee thirteen times, and feel Zoralee climbing into bed with us at 6:30 a.m., knowing she successfully falls asleep again in the mornings maybe once a month. And then part of adjusting to fatigue is to lower my expectations; I know this in my head. My Yoga For Pregnancy book says to listen to my body. My Yoga For Pregnancy book doesn't know we are moving from Texas to North Dakota via Montana next trimester.

naps

The edges of a nap, when you're in and out of delicious, unworried sleep, are like gravy overflowing from every direction down a pile of mashed potatoes, escaping from the deep volcanic lake.

Being here in Montana with my folks, I have gotten to take naps more regularly, even on those days when Zoralee doesn't. And wow - I am thankful.

seasons

"We are all very subject to seasons; yet these seasons are there to make us eventually seasonless. There is only one way you are ever going to learn to triumph over all seasons, and that is to go through each and every season...many times. When you can reckon the sound of abundant rain and the hot blowing of a dry spell the same, then you will be nearing the land of maturity."

- from the daily reading for April 22nd in Celtic Daily Prayer 

ramblings and blitherings

Hi, pals. I've missed posting regular blogs and reading yours with consistency - circling the wagons for conversation. It helps me to sort of de-fragment my life. You know how it is. But when it has been a long while, it's actually a stressor to blog, and reading others' blogs is actually a source of fragmentation. Dumb. I've figured out these main reasons I avoid the world of blogging though:

• I've got such a backlog of ideas to write about that I'm paralyzed and avoid-ful.
• I've got a backlog of photos and don't want to jump ahead in chronology.
• I feel obligated to post something relevant to the world's major catastrophes and triumphs rather than a new recipe or the surprising joy found in making wool dryer balls.
• It's a major holiday like Easter, but my own spiritual reflections have been focused on finding peace in the seasons of life rather than the specific celebration of Christ's resurrection from the dead, and I don't want to go through the effort of creating a tie-in.

So I'm going to say phooey to those things, and, without further analytical ado, present a bunch of blippets that have been on my brain, in no particular priority order:

• I'm a little on the terrified side about a new baby coming soon. Although having kids is the biggest thing, the surest thing I've wanted for many years, I sometimes think there's no way I can handle a baby. I got through one, sure enough, but can I get through one plus a toddler? I can hear you gigglers out there - you superwomen with three, four, and eight children. Thing is, I'm a slow poke at housework, at meal preparation, at craft projects, at writing, at darn near everything. And I tend, for whatever reasons, to choose the hard way in some of these areas. So the end of the day comes upon me and I can point to very little I've "accomplished," even though I  didn't lazy around. But I do think people can learn, so if anybody wants to comment back with their best tips on time management - I mean, personal, tried-and-true tips that WORK for you - throw 'em down!
• I think I should focus on my music more, my development as a musician. If I get to the end of my life and I haven't shared that art form more with whomever cares to partake, I shall be rather put out at myself.
• The royal wedding thing is piquing my interest these days, and in fact, that last sentence about being put out is best spoken with a British accent. Until the last week I hadn't given it much thought (and considered the whole thing pretty hokey), but lately I've been thinking it's interesting on a lot of levels. The cover of a Newsweek magazine was one thing to make me take notice. It said, "In a world gone to hell - thank God, a wedding." And you know, we have been having a rather long stretch of bad news. But a royal wedding involving a fair maiden from the working class? How often does that come along anymore?
• I'm not sure I'll ever understand the allure of Justin Beiber. He's not that astounding of a dancer or a musician, and he looks like a garden variety kid. Biological clock-wise, I could be his mother, so maybe that has something to do with my confusion. I dunno.
• I do like e-bay. My sister pokes fun, alluding to addiction and stuff, but I'll tell you. It's just a cool way to get the things you want - in good used condition, from other people around the country that don't need them anymore. A virtual garage sale / thrift store that includes the thrill of an auction bid. Seems the prices are getting high, like people are really proud of their stuff, but there are still deals and interesting conversations to be had. This week I sold a pair of mountaineering boots to a woman in California who is into mountain rescue, and we communicated beyond the transaction. She let me know the boots fit very well with her orthotics and that they'd be used for continuing rescue work. And I got a good chunk of cash to leave in my paypal account and buy an Ergo infant insert for the baby and some Montessori sandpaper letters and Fisher Price people for Zoralee (and some Rookie Read-About Science books if I win 'em tomorrow - oooh, I'm living dangerously by mentioning that! Don't you dare bid against me! What the heck. I just looked, and someone has outbid me. Very irritating.).
• Speaking of Fisher Price people, they are a hard toy to speak about in proper singular/plural form. What comes out is, "Look, honey, there's a people under the coffee table." And somehow that's right, much better than saying there's a person under the coffee table, or saying we should get that person out of Molly's mouth. Sometimes I try to hit it all, like, "What cute pigtails are on this people person."
• Got a couple pairs of glasses real cheap online. I'd never tried that before. I can't say I would've purchased these exact pairs if I'd tried them on in a store, but they're different and fun, and it was a bit of an experiment. They cost less together than one pair using our ooh-fancy, sacred health insurance. Health insurance is such a crock.
• I sure miss my husband. It's a drag and a half to not live in the same house, or the same state. We like to be together, which is one reason we married each other, so these bouts of separation are really retarded. Literally. They are maritally retarded. There are two main reasons Zoralee and I are in Montana while Jason's at work in North Dakota. For one thing, we don't have a house there yet (he's renting a room from a co-worker), and for another, we decided to have this baby here at my folks' house, using the same midwife we had with Zoralee. We could've rented a place in ND sight-unseen, although others who've tried that are abandoning their horrid rentals and now looking to buy, because the housing situation is so crappy. And we could've decided to have the baby in ND, although the closest hospital is 80 miles away. (There is a rural midwife close by for a home birth, but again, 80 miles seems like a fair piece of ground.) So the separation is really our choice, but it's still pretty stinky, for one thing because, despite our best guesswork, there's no guarantee that Jason will make it for the birth.
• There's a house we'd like to get, and Jason can tour the inside in early May. We're the second in line to look at it though, and the limited market makes second feel about the same as fourteenth. So, hope, hope, hope.
• I need to post more pics of my belly. And reflections on the pregnancy. You know what? I'm going to find a phone pic or two RIGHT NOW and post 'em. So, ha!
  
  

  

  33ish weeks - garsh, I feel a lot bigger than how this photo appears.....

  

  34.5 weeks (today)

• Zoralee has kicked in to some major tantrums. She also pretends to be a baby a lot. And she hits me occasionally, which I find interesting since she doesn't witness people hitting other people. There have been many changes in her life in the last two months, and she senses the anticipation we've all got for the baby, so her actions are perfectly understandable for a little one who doesn't yet have the skills to cope with strong emotions. Nonetheless, the tantrums test my patience, the baby game is old and bothersome, and the hitting is just weird. I'm experimenting with ways to help her. She's a verbal enough kid that she can express a variety of emotions, but how to settle her down enough to talk to me?
• On the lighter side, here's a fun anecdote from a few days ago. Zoralee was unhappy about going to bed. She was crying loudly and flopping herself around on the floor - good, classic tantrum-throwing. Somehow I got her to sit upright on the potty, but she kept up the wailing while she tinkled. Then, mid-sob, she said sincerely, "Thanks, Mom." I said, "Okaaay...for what?" And she said, "Thanks for the memory." Of course, I laughed hard. I don't know where she heard that, and I'm quite certain she doesn't know what it means. Then she said, "I was just being silly."  Silliness is a good coping skill; I need to remember that more often.  

happy spring time in montana!