naps

The edges of a nap, when you're in and out of delicious, unworried sleep, are like gravy overflowing from every direction down a pile of mashed potatoes, escaping from the deep volcanic lake.

Being here in Montana with my folks, I have gotten to take naps more regularly, even on those days when Zoralee doesn't. And wow - I am thankful.

seasons

"We are all very subject to seasons; yet these seasons are there to make us eventually seasonless. There is only one way you are ever going to learn to triumph over all seasons, and that is to go through each and every season...many times. When you can reckon the sound of abundant rain and the hot blowing of a dry spell the same, then you will be nearing the land of maturity."

- from the daily reading for April 22nd in Celtic Daily Prayer 

ramblings and blitherings

Hi, pals. I've missed posting regular blogs and reading yours with consistency - circling the wagons for conversation. It helps me to sort of de-fragment my life. You know how it is. But when it has been a long while, it's actually a stressor to blog, and reading others' blogs is actually a source of fragmentation. Dumb. I've figured out these main reasons I avoid the world of blogging though:

• I've got such a backlog of ideas to write about that I'm paralyzed and avoid-ful.
• I've got a backlog of photos and don't want to jump ahead in chronology.
• I feel obligated to post something relevant to the world's major catastrophes and triumphs rather than a new recipe or the surprising joy found in making wool dryer balls.
• It's a major holiday like Easter, but my own spiritual reflections have been focused on finding peace in the seasons of life rather than the specific celebration of Christ's resurrection from the dead, and I don't want to go through the effort of creating a tie-in.

So I'm going to say phooey to those things, and, without further analytical ado, present a bunch of blippets that have been on my brain, in no particular priority order:

• I'm a little on the terrified side about a new baby coming soon. Although having kids is the biggest thing, the surest thing I've wanted for many years, I sometimes think there's no way I can handle a baby. I got through one, sure enough, but can I get through one plus a toddler? I can hear you gigglers out there - you superwomen with three, four, and eight children. Thing is, I'm a slow poke at housework, at meal preparation, at craft projects, at writing, at darn near everything. And I tend, for whatever reasons, to choose the hard way in some of these areas. So the end of the day comes upon me and I can point to very little I've "accomplished," even though I  didn't lazy around. But I do think people can learn, so if anybody wants to comment back with their best tips on time management - I mean, personal, tried-and-true tips that WORK for you - throw 'em down!
• I think I should focus on my music more, my development as a musician. If I get to the end of my life and I haven't shared that art form more with whomever cares to partake, I shall be rather put out at myself.
• The royal wedding thing is piquing my interest these days, and in fact, that last sentence about being put out is best spoken with a British accent. Until the last week I hadn't given it much thought (and considered the whole thing pretty hokey), but lately I've been thinking it's interesting on a lot of levels. The cover of a Newsweek magazine was one thing to make me take notice. It said, "In a world gone to hell - thank God, a wedding." And you know, we have been having a rather long stretch of bad news. But a royal wedding involving a fair maiden from the working class? How often does that come along anymore?
• I'm not sure I'll ever understand the allure of Justin Beiber. He's not that astounding of a dancer or a musician, and he looks like a garden variety kid. Biological clock-wise, I could be his mother, so maybe that has something to do with my confusion. I dunno.
• I do like e-bay. My sister pokes fun, alluding to addiction and stuff, but I'll tell you. It's just a cool way to get the things you want - in good used condition, from other people around the country that don't need them anymore. A virtual garage sale / thrift store that includes the thrill of an auction bid. Seems the prices are getting high, like people are really proud of their stuff, but there are still deals and interesting conversations to be had. This week I sold a pair of mountaineering boots to a woman in California who is into mountain rescue, and we communicated beyond the transaction. She let me know the boots fit very well with her orthotics and that they'd be used for continuing rescue work. And I got a good chunk of cash to leave in my paypal account and buy an Ergo infant insert for the baby and some Montessori sandpaper letters and Fisher Price people for Zoralee (and some Rookie Read-About Science books if I win 'em tomorrow - oooh, I'm living dangerously by mentioning that! Don't you dare bid against me! What the heck. I just looked, and someone has outbid me. Very irritating.).
• Speaking of Fisher Price people, they are a hard toy to speak about in proper singular/plural form. What comes out is, "Look, honey, there's a people under the coffee table." And somehow that's right, much better than saying there's a person under the coffee table, or saying we should get that person out of Molly's mouth. Sometimes I try to hit it all, like, "What cute pigtails are on this people person."
• Got a couple pairs of glasses real cheap online. I'd never tried that before. I can't say I would've purchased these exact pairs if I'd tried them on in a store, but they're different and fun, and it was a bit of an experiment. They cost less together than one pair using our ooh-fancy, sacred health insurance. Health insurance is such a crock.
• I sure miss my husband. It's a drag and a half to not live in the same house, or the same state. We like to be together, which is one reason we married each other, so these bouts of separation are really retarded. Literally. They are maritally retarded. There are two main reasons Zoralee and I are in Montana while Jason's at work in North Dakota. For one thing, we don't have a house there yet (he's renting a room from a co-worker), and for another, we decided to have this baby here at my folks' house, using the same midwife we had with Zoralee. We could've rented a place in ND sight-unseen, although others who've tried that are abandoning their horrid rentals and now looking to buy, because the housing situation is so crappy. And we could've decided to have the baby in ND, although the closest hospital is 80 miles away. (There is a rural midwife close by for a home birth, but again, 80 miles seems like a fair piece of ground.) So the separation is really our choice, but it's still pretty stinky, for one thing because, despite our best guesswork, there's no guarantee that Jason will make it for the birth.
• There's a house we'd like to get, and Jason can tour the inside in early May. We're the second in line to look at it though, and the limited market makes second feel about the same as fourteenth. So, hope, hope, hope.
• I need to post more pics of my belly. And reflections on the pregnancy. You know what? I'm going to find a phone pic or two RIGHT NOW and post 'em. So, ha!
  
  

  

  33ish weeks - garsh, I feel a lot bigger than how this photo appears.....

  

  34.5 weeks (today)

• Zoralee has kicked in to some major tantrums. She also pretends to be a baby a lot. And she hits me occasionally, which I find interesting since she doesn't witness people hitting other people. There have been many changes in her life in the last two months, and she senses the anticipation we've all got for the baby, so her actions are perfectly understandable for a little one who doesn't yet have the skills to cope with strong emotions. Nonetheless, the tantrums test my patience, the baby game is old and bothersome, and the hitting is just weird. I'm experimenting with ways to help her. She's a verbal enough kid that she can express a variety of emotions, but how to settle her down enough to talk to me?
• On the lighter side, here's a fun anecdote from a few days ago. Zoralee was unhappy about going to bed. She was crying loudly and flopping herself around on the floor - good, classic tantrum-throwing. Somehow I got her to sit upright on the potty, but she kept up the wailing while she tinkled. Then, mid-sob, she said sincerely, "Thanks, Mom." I said, "Okaaay...for what?" And she said, "Thanks for the memory." Of course, I laughed hard. I don't know where she heard that, and I'm quite certain she doesn't know what it means. Then she said, "I was just being silly."  Silliness is a good coping skill; I need to remember that more often.