reflections from the first trimester

I'm at 14 weeks today with pregnancy! 14 out of 40 or so. I am a third of the way toward delivery. And now that the first trimester is over, hmm, I should blog! It helps that my mommy dearest is reading to Zoralee on the couch, the same array of magazines they've read every day whilst the folks have been visiting. 

Most of these blippets are based on my journal entries from the past 3 months.

Week 3

• I'm pregnant! Wow. How amazing it is to write that simple sentence. And though I'll feel more settled about it tomorrow morning after a third home test, I think I'm willing to call it now. A test this morning showed a vague line, but at least it was peeking through the plastic window into my reality more clearly than the test 48 hours ago, whose line was practically imaginary, whose line I've looked at with squinted eyes for 2 days. I am due in late May/early June. A summer baby! Two and a half years after Zoralee. There have been troubled pregnancies all around me, and happy ones too. Who can say how this one will go? But I am happy to house this soul for as long of its journey as I can. 
• Pregnancy confirmed by a woo-woo fancier doodle test that Rachel had. It tells the results with one word: pregnant. And it did. Wow. I am happy! Happy, but cautious. 
• I've got to coordinate a prenatal and birthing effort between Texas (where we'll be until 7 months along) and North Dakota. 
• I want so badly to take up exercise! They say you shouldn't increase it in early pregnancy, just keep it at the level it was. For me, that means practically zero. I've at least got to increase the leisurely walks. Surely that won't hurt. Will I be disciplined enough to sleep well during this pregnancy, most specifically when Z does (like right now)?

Week 5

• Funny, I've been waiting for a miscarriage to start. Looking for pink mucus, analyzing my cramps. Today I had a slapping thought - - what if this pregnancy results in a BABY?? Whoa.

Week 6

• Terrible insomnia last night. Several bouts of nausea today, especially when I got too hungry or too hot. The first real, solid nausea with this pregnancy. 
• We're still in Portland with Rach and fam. In a household where one woman is in early pregnancy and has an early-rising toddler and the other woman has a three month old baby who wakes to eat every few hours, who gets to nap while the other does chores? It's a basic, unsolvable conundrum. The answer: both lay on the couches watching another episode of Without A Trace, and order take-out for dinner. 

Week 7

• My belly feels populated. It's just a feeling, not so much of life being present, but of stuff. I am filling up, yes, at 8.5 weeks. Call me crazy. None of my pants fit. Shirts are too clingy. I don't want to "show" yet! It's cheating, letting my already bulging belly stick out, now that I have an excuse! But there's no sucking it up anymore. Why should I fight my body? Acceptance is the way to go! Right, maybe I'll accept it at 10 weeks. 
• My belly began brushing the back of Zoralee's WeeRide seat when we rode my bike to the playground yesterday. Twins? Nah; not sick enough. 
• Fresh, spritely toothpaste is nice in the mornings, but at night, when you're facing insomnia? Why not a fatigue-inducing scent, like turkey or warm milk? How about it, industry? ha ha - gross.

Week 9

• Nothing says pregnancy like a lunch of white powdered donuts and almonds flavored with wasabi and soy sauce. 
• I looked one final time at my 3 preggo tests, which I'd saved all together in a baggie. The digital one that read "pregnant" is now blank. It reasons that there would be a time limit to the battery. Still, I didn't like seeing it that way. Felt ominous. The other two (not digital) still show extra lines; two out of three win. Boy, it will be nice to hear a heartbeat. 
• Jason and I were reminiscing about the days we used to have lavish amounts of time together. No hurries. No worries. Nothing calling us from our rest on couch, bed, floor, or car seat. Nowadays, that type of rest is SUCH a luxury, and what do we do with our limited free time? We go and make another baby.

Week 11

• Heard the heartbeat!! We have a healthy, growing, live baby, near the end of the first trimester! Verrrry relieving! What kind of baby could it be - a boy or a girl, and what sort of boy or girl? We sent out a text video of Zoralee telling the family our news. "Houston," we coached her to say, "we have a heartbeat!" 
• Not sure about this nurse-midwife practice we chose, but we're into it now, so at the bare minimum, we'll hear their analyzation of and suggestions about my blood work in a couple weeks. Discussed the possibility of anemia, based on my continual fatigue. 
• We told Zoralee that I have a baby in my tummy. She seemed like a mix of confused and unimpressed. She tried to get into my shirt so that she could be in my tummy.

Week 12

• Being pregnant is like Build-A-Bear, except it takes nine months, and you can't see the options you're choosing. 
• Tired. Tired. All the time, tired. 
• I have felt occasional movements for weeks now, textbooks be damned. But this week, as I was poking around at my belly, I felt a movement from the inside and outside at once!

Week 13

• Mom and Dad are visiting! They encourage me to nap whenever I want to, and oh, is it glorious. Haven't had much nausea, unless I let myself go too long without food, which is consistent with my other pregnancies. Pretty fortunate, really. But this insomnia, compounded by having to pee every 1/2 hour, is aggravating. I have an aversion to the charcoal smell of grilled food. 
• My emotional state has been totally different this time around. I can count on one hand the days of dreamy, blissful hope I've had about the world and my life. There are factors. Living in a border town where it is dangerous, where we aren't free to roam, and where we lock the doors, even during the day, is taking its toll. Not being in contact with much of nature is too. I am so sorry, little one! I hope you aren't picking up too much of the wah-wah Debby Downer vibe. You just concentrate on growing big and strong. When you come out and learn about the world's brokenness, we'll pray for it together and think about what we might do to help. Also, your Papa will probably enroll you and your sister in self-defense classes. 
• Went back to the midwife practice for blood and pee test results. Clean bill of health for me. No anemia. Good levels in every way....except I'm evidently positive for Group Beta Strep. Going on what I understood the midwife to say (and not having looked it up myself yet), GBS is a naturally occuring bacteria that about 60% of women have in their gut. If it shows up in your pee, which mine did, they are concerned that the baby could contract some of it during labor (although a concerning level is 100,000; mine is below 10,000). Nevertheless, they will most certainly need to put antibiotics in my IV during labor. When I reminded her that I am planning to have another home birth, she looked at me incredulously. A home birth is out! she declared, because you must have this antibiotic in your IV, and home birth midwives aren't trained to administer IVs! Jason and I asked a few questions, politely, but we must've appeared skeptical, because she paused, looked from one of us to the other, and said, "I sense a massive internet search coming on." We laughed. Yes indeedy. 
• She also said it is mandatory to have an ultrasound around 20 weeks. That topic is for another post.

Woo-hoo! Here we go with kid making!