Sunday, January 17, 2010

a few sweet memories of the pregnancy

Back when I was pregnant with Zoralee, I'd sometimes see another mom leaving the midwife's house as I was arriving for an appointment. She'd be really pregnant and have a toddler or two in tow, and I'd think she was so beautiful and amazing. During this recent pregnancy, I got to feel that way too! Whenever Cousin Autumn was checking for a heartbeat, I'd think, "I'm that lady. I'm the one having babies and raising babies at the same time, and the baby I'm raising gets to be part of my baby-having process."

Autumn and Zoralee playing on a birthing ball at the birthing center where A works
Here's Zoralee being weighed on a real scale (other than a bathroom scale).
Just shy of her first birthday, she was 17 pounds.

This could seem like a sad post at first glance, but I swear, I am having the best time thinking back. Being pregnant again was warm and life-ful, even though it didn't end in the birth of a baby. I day-dreampt of having children, plural. And of being a "young family," by virtue of the fact we'd have two very young kids. Ha ha ha. And of having one for me to carry and one for Jason to carry as we hiked. And of seeing in another child variations on the Zoralee theme and, of course, new themes altogether. I couldn't wait to try EC again with my hard-earned wisdom!

Even though those hopes won't be fulfilled yet, the feelings and memories don't disappear. They rattle around inside my heart from time to time. They have added to who I am. My friend Tamie sent me the Chinese proverb, "She who returns from a journey is not the same as she who left." True as can be.

being pregnant with my sister - I feel so lucky that we had this time together. So lucky!


Kim Davey said...

I am not sure if you remember me. I am Matt Kellen's friend who came to visit you all in MT.
I read your blog, love it and feel like I must know you much better than I really do.

However, I must tell you how beautiful your stories and reflections of this pregnancy have been. Your honest words fill my heart. What a wonderful mother you must be.


Rachel Clear said...

I love this post, sis, especially the photos of us at the end (which I would love to have, by the way) and the photos of Autum and you and Zor. I still think (as I mention regularly) that Zoralee looks JUST LIKE Autumn, and now the whole world can see them side-by-side.

lori lls said...

Hi-ya, Kim! Yes, of course I remember you. Funny thing, a couple nights ago I was getting caught up on your blog. You've had some insane experiences over the past year. Thanks so much for chiming in!

Rach, I can send ye the photos. I think they were from Mom's camera (maybe....or mine. Shoot. I'll find out.)

autumn l said...

it's so crazy that zor is so tiny! i love it. I just caught a 10lb 3oz baby last night. not that different from z at a year! ha! she's perfect:)