Thursday, March 18, 2010

the curly ways (of hair and blogs)

And I thank ye for your interest.

Now then, would you let me take a minute to work out some mental curls? I know I have said these same things before. I am insecure.

It's like this: I feel like a shallow, egotistical maniac posting hair pictures (or practically any pictures having to do with me or my own family) while young girls somewhere on the same globe are being forced to fix their hair for another day in the sex trade industry, and a child is lying underneath a rubble heap after an earthquake, and old and sick people are forgotten by society, and worse yet, their own families. Even in my own world, heartache lurks. Those close to me are trapped under mountains of debt, or the sickening anxiety of having their voices taken, or relational confusion.

This is one reason my blogging is so sporadic. I sit down to post yet another scrap of silliness that seems irrelevant to the suffering of the world. It may be meaningful to me, and somewhat to my family and friends, but I feel like a fool that this blog is not an intentional social commentary. It's not a forum on faith, politics, or social justice. It's just not. It's actually an online family time capsule. I think about the other things, and have other communities within which to face those truths and ask what to do about them (some of them your blogs), but not here. And this makes me feel very guilty and very stressed out. It's not an accurate picture of the whole me. And yet, I can't change it. I simply don't have (or am not making) time right now for it all. It's so much easier and quicker for me to document what I know... which is what I see around me...which is my family...and, in this case, my hair. So what does all of this mean, Tamie, from an Enneagramic perspective?!

I ran into an old high school friend the other day, and in the middle of telling me that her father in law had just died unexpectedly, she said she'd been waiting for me to post pics of my hair the curly way. It totally threw me.

Thinking about it later, either my old friend is an incredibly selfless individual to have the presence of mind for my hairdo in the midst of her own trauma, or selfless and selfish aren't such a big part of this picture as I'm making them to be. I guess, I think, I hope we need the little things - knowing how your friend's trip went and if your grandma is feeling okay today - to get through life, to enjoy life and each other, to endure heartache, to balance us out from all of the other craze. Right? You guys probably already know this. It's me who needs to work it out.

So, my self-reminders are 1. it's okay that my blog is trivial in the overall scheme of the universe, because we shouldn't take blogs for accurate portrayals of people as their whole selves, and 2. if we care only about ourselves (and then, only the surface things), and choose blindness to our neighbor's joys and sorrows, we're really missing out, both on reality and the chance to affect reality.

So there. Thank you again. In closing, let's all do our part to help a friend or enemy in need, and would you like to see a pair of fan-frickin'-tastic boots, the result of an ebay frenzy I went on several years ago? Okay then. Here they are.


DRATS! I must not've downloaded them. Another time then. Another shallow, shallow time.


Christi said...

I have been finding that when I start talking to someone lately about my future, particularly about how our family will find income in these coming months, I have to end the conversation with a little American Idol talk. I feel unsettled until I can talk about this person's song choice or that person's outfit. I feel so silly at the time, but it feels good to talk about something that completely doesn't matter. So I think that same idea appears in my blog too.

And by the way, I vote curly. That is adorable.

Rachel Clear said...

The thing about blogs is, that they are, by their very nature, self-indulgent and personal. I mean, they just ARE.

And why shouldn't they be?

If we wanted to read about a new world crisis, we would read the news. If we want to read a deep and well-though film review, we would real film blogs. If we wanted to know about how girls in the sex trade are doing, we would ask Stacy.

We read blogs to connect with humanity on some level. Not ALL levels, just some level, some small level. I feel more connected and in touch with many friends through blogs than I would ever have the chance to without blogs.

No one reads your blog unless they care about you, and your family, and your photos, and your varoius goings on. If someone reads your blog and thinks that it was boring or shallow or whatever, they can simply not read it. People come back each day not because you'll say something profound (although that happens a lot and is also totally awesome) but because they want to hear what YOU have to say, whatever it is.

Each day, as I email a girlfriend, it typically starts with "How's your day?" I have NO expectations for the answer to this question. I want to know how their day is. When I click on your blog, I do so because I am wanting to know how LORI is. That's it. Not the world at large, just you.

Believe 'at.

Don Conrad said...

Agreed, keep posting the little things. They're what make you who you are... which is the reason I follow your blog in the first place :-)

amy frances said...

1. Your hair is freaking adorable.

2. You know what the world needs way less of? Suffering and darkness. You know that the world needs way more of? Whimsy, wit, and exposure to beautiful baby girls, all of which you provide in abundance. This place gets so much more bearable when we are all just plain-old, who-we-are human together. If the people who can don't bear witness to joy and silliness, which are necessary and good, we are all poorer. Your blog makes the world a lighter place, and that is anything but shallow. We all know where to go for social commentary, and we're all aware. I, personally, have been moved to tears by the preciousness of your daughter on more than one occasion. Priceless.

Shana said...

I had an awful day today, Lori...and the first thing I did when I sat down at my computer was checked yours and Rachel's blogs for something silly to take my mind off of some potentially life-altering things that may be coming in my own life (whew...long sentence...). Point being: your blog is prescious.

lori lls said...

Well, friends, thanks for the affirmation. I needed that. Funny thing is, I totally agree with you and would say the same things about other blogs, ones which say the same types of things I do! Maybe I / a lot of us overthink our own bearing on the world. Dunno.

Thanks for reading and taking time to interact.

Much peace to you each.

lori lls said...

Shana - I am emailing you.

Rena said...

There are plenty of social and religious and political commentaries...but only one blog about you and your family's life. I love reading it (and Rachel's) with the unique ways with words you both have, and your interesting perspectives on even every-day things. Even if NO ONE else reads it, and you write it only for me, it's worth it :) It's a documentary on the life of an (average ??) American family, and someday might be a part of history! At least Zoralee's history. Exciting, huh!!?

kranberrys said...

We can't always have deep thoughts about pain and of the reasons I stopped reading the newspaper and watching the news...Sometimes it's not as if I want to shut it out, but it gets so overwhelming at times....

Sometimes we need the fluff and rainbows and stories about little girls and fat naked old ladies squished in a shower ;) (see Rachel's blog) to remind us that life is still good... the sad stuff...well that just makes me thankful for heaven =)

tamie said...

From an Enneagramic perspective, since you asked (and it was weird, because I was thinking about just that, before I got to that part of your post!), it means you are either a 4, 9, or 2. I'd lean towards either 9 or 4. I've thought you were a 9 for a while now, but I could totally see 4 too. We should talk more about this, if you want. Do you want me to send you little comparisons between the two types? :)

By the way, I actually find your blog to be one of the most meaningful things I ever read. I'm not exaggerating or bullshitting you. I think that what you write is deeper than you realize, even when you're writing about chickens or little girls pulling carts their grandpas made.

handfull of johnsons said...

Super Zor still gets me through a lot of dark days. I love your blog...shallow and deep.

lori lls said...

Yes, Tamie! I want to know of your Enneagramic diagnosis. I emailed you more.

Thanks, Darb. Super Zor gets me through a lot too. We are the luckiest people ever to have and know her, all of us. I can't wait to meet your boys in person sometime.