Monday, September 1, 2008

rubberbands of anxiety

I was in an office supply store the other day, and as I browsed the shelves I was inexplicably drawn to the rubberband balls. I needed rubberbands but didn't end up buying a ball because of the practical consideration that all its rubberbands were the same size. Instead, I bought a variety pack. But I almost bought the ball simply to look at.

A week later, I was contemplating the various anxieties we're facing as the baby's birth approaches - the birth itself to a degree, but also housing, money, job, the allegedly big stuff, which become bigger when grown, capable adults aren't the only ones affected. All of a sudden I remembered the rubberband ball and realized why it had been so appealing. It was neat, together, organized. Every rubberband had a home on that ball, and new ones could be added and others taken off without disrupting its overall shape.

Here's how our rubberband ball looks these days:

* * * * *

But these are some thoughts that have been of comfort to us:

When you are in doubt, be still, and wait;
When doubt no longer exists for you,
then go forward with courage.
So long as mists envelope you, be still;
be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists - -
as it surely will.
Then act with courage.
-Ponca Chief White Eagle (1800's - 1914)

Surely I have composed and quieted my soul;
Like a weaned child rests against its mother,
My soul is like a weaned child within me.

- Psalm 131:2

Let the shadow fall from your window
Let the morning light fill your head
Stand up and let the wild wind blow
Right into your soul till the night is dead
See the dawn break gold and the night is dead
- David Gray, "Lullaby"


tamie said...

I can't tell you how appropriate the Ponca Chief White Eagle quote is to me today. No doubt the un-stillness I'm feeling isn't on the magnitude of yours--because there's no small munchkin involved--but, still, I need those words. Thank you.

lori lls said...

Thanks, Tamie. I've thought of the Chief's words many a time lately too.